1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if i died would you start the facebook group?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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