I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
