you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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