College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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