Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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