Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
