Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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