she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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