Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
