I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
