Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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