i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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