a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
