my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
