you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
should my penis look like a turkey
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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