Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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