It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
