Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
