theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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