i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
