some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
