He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
