Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
