my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
