I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
