You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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