Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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