first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
