i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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