Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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