if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
