get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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