Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
