and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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