you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
