i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
