I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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