I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
