he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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