no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
