Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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