dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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