She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
