i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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