It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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