oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
