People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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