Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
