Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize