I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
