i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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