She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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