Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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