I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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