totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
