Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
