1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
