apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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