If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
