Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
